deelstra

It warms my heart to write here, my first day blogging on Today.com; I’m truly appreciative of the opportunity. Never lacking for subjects of discussion, but often stressed over which subject to light upon, I’ll simply write until my fingers cramp up. I’ll write whatever occurs to me to write about on any given day, and with some luck and good editing, hopefully my blog will find its way to enthusiastic, perhaps even admiring readers around the globe. 

Because it’s day 1 of my blog, allow me the sinful luxury of talking about me. First off, I’m a woman. I say that not to seek dates, but rather, to announce the direction of this blog. I’ll be writing about subjects traditionally referred to as “women’s issues.” This is not to say that a gentleman (or even a “man’s man,” for that matter) won’t enjoy the posts. It is a wise man that seeks to learn about women: What makes us tick; what matters of importance we wish to discuss; what we want men to know about us; how different we are; how similar we are; matters of the heart and matters of the head. There are myriad so-called “women’s issues” to discuss, but an evolved man will find much substance to ponder as we journey through the days together on this blog.

Secondly, I’m a woman passed the age of 55, the age when the AARP starts to send mailing to remind me I’m not longer “young.” Being of a certain decade means I have a LOT of experience in being a “woman.” It also means I’ve been on the receiving end of many “issues.”

From the time I was 23 years old, I’ve been a single mother. In order to support my three children I took on a barrage of different jobs: Bartender; Massage Therapist; Retail Sales Person; Telephone Repair; Teamster Truck Driver; Social Worker; Realtor; Writer. Notice, for the sake of this blog that some of the career choices were generally reserved for big, burly types ~in other words, men. I chose to work in non-traditional fields because the money was better. As a single parent, I was in need of a healthy income that traditional women’s work did not afford. There were many lessons learned while working in the “men’s” jobs. Most importantly, when the stories of bias and intimidations and threats are removed, I learned the power of leverage. With the help of a “cheater bar” (a solid piece of lead pipe) my slim 115 lb. body could crack loose the lug nuts allowing me to change tires on a semi-truck. And I soon discovered my mind was every bit as sharp as the men’s. I learned important lessons of self-esteem building and of personal empowerment; moreover, I learned to question the status quo.

I’m a girlie-girl. I love my long hair, consistently painted nails, full-faced make-up, ruffles and patent leather and diamonds and gold. I adore designer purses and I’m addicted to skin care products. Anything French has my attention.

I curse like a truck-driver (go figure), and when I’m alone, I drive like a racecar driver.

I’ve lost a child to suicide, and am a member of that club I would wish no one to join.

I worked as a social worker for ten years and have seen things too atrocious to speak of, and have been touched by the angels on several occasions.

I fancy myself a bit of a decorator, love to sew garments from pieces, I’m a closet artist, an armchair therapist, and a tiny bit psychic. If I could chose only one word to define myself it would be, “faceted.” It occurs to me that I am not unique. Or better said, everyone is unique, and we all have various facets to our personalities, to our lives. In a nutshell, I’m a woman, with all the challenges and rewards that come with the label. 

Women. We come in all shapes and colors and personalities and sizes and intellect. We’ve varying degrees of self-esteem and self-doubt. Most of us are too self-critical and none of us are perfect. Or maybe we are all perfect in our human capacity. We are typically cast into roles of nurturer, housekeeper, nursemaid, grocery shopper, tear wiper, lover, mother, princess, or object. Endless labels have been used to categorize us, to control us, to limit us, to enshrine us. Whether referred to as “angel, bitch, mother, lady, tom-boy, dyke, homemaker, single-parent, temptress, wife, whore, old-lady, tease,” or any other word that cleverly maps out expectations (as well as many derogatory terms I won’t use here), women are simply members of the human race.

With that said, why then would there be “women’s issues” as opposed to “men’s issues”? Are there any “men’s issues”? I’m quite certain if asked, men would admit to having limited issues, but I don’t think those matters are the same as are those of women. Men may say things like, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” Or maybe a masculine response when queried might be, “She always wants to cuddle; She always wants me to say ‘I love her’; She’s so insecure,” or the timeless, “She doesn’t like me to go out drinking with the guys.” The list is endless.  

So are they right? Are women “insecure” and do we want to “cuddle” and hear those three magic words too often? Are all women carbon copies of the needy and self-doubting stereotype? And if this is not true, and if a woman is confident and self-sufficient, is she too intimidating to most males? What sort of a man can ‘handle’ a competent self-sufficient woman? This question implies that a woman needs to be ‘handled” by a man, as opposed to being an equal. Does an empowered woman become a target of domestic abuse as a male seeks to dominate the perceived imbalance? If we humans don’t know where we “fit” into societal roles, with what lessons do our offspring struggle? Must men and women be taught differently, educated into shades of pink and blue? Are our brains different from one another? Has the fact that so many mothers have either been forced by economics, or have made the personally rewarding choice to join into the throws of the (paid) working arena negatively impacted societal mores? Is guilt and injurious over-indulgence spoiling the next generations? Are video games, television, text messaging, and the Internet creating a world of separation from authentic attachments? Is human touch being replaced by cyber-sex and chat rooms? Are we becoming too lazy for personal involvement and commitment? Is feminism dead? Is it time for feminism to be dead? Are women digressing into helpless, ignorant sex objects?

These questions enter my blog today, and I am hoping for comments and questions and ferociously entertaining dialogs. There are of course, many other questions and issues to be commented on, but for today, I present this blog in hopes of causing thought to occur.  Thought is the beginning of all, thus, thought is where I begin this blog today. It is my desire that the words placed here will incite thought and growth. So, what are your thoughts? I sincerely anticipate the dialog!

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